life is a paradox.

h8.

2009-06-21T07:55:00.001-07:00

From differences... and similarities.
You hate someone who's different. He/she might be unique in their own ways, but in any case it's one that you don't like. And you can also hate someone, just because they're like you. When they carry the things that you do, say that words that you speak. You hate it.

From lies... and truth.
Let's face it. No one likes liars. There is always this clear distinction of white lies and lies, well supposedly, but it doesn't change the fact that it hurts just the same. And we can hate someone just because they spoke the truth - like how they left was to make you happier. The golden classic.

From hatred... and love.
Hatred deepens with every additional unit of hate. And whoever coined the term "Love-hate", must have been a genius to see how this two extremes are never that far apart.

It's surprising how people learn how to hate.

and i'm still awake.

2009-03-29T08:58:00.001-07:00

it's 2am and she calls me cause i'm still awake,
"can you help me unravel my latest mistake,
i don't love him - winter just... wasn't my season."

should i listen, should i go, should i hang up just to show?
but then i looked at the time and said,
"why don't we grab a drink at your favorite place?"

and so we walked through strangers with looks in their eyes,
like they have any right at all to criticize.
"don't worry about them, i'll bite their heads right off."

and so she talked bout' the cards that life dealt,
on the table she cried out loud,
"how can this happen to me?"

i didn't know what to say or to offer that time,
so i looked straight into her eyes,
"don't worry. i'll be here for you."

and so she smiled and gave me a hug,
as we walked right back to her hut,
"thanks for listening, my friend."

well, it's 5am and i'm still awake,
and i wonder who can i call now just to say,
"can you help me unravel my latest mistake,
how do you move on, when you've always been just there?"

blind faith.

2009-03-15T07:42:00.000-07:00

cause i didn't care what they say,
i was in love with you.
they tried to pull me away,
but they didn't know the truth.

maybe its been too long,
or too deep,
that this faith has gone blind.
i wonder, was it blind right from the start?

but now that i see,
is that the true side of you?
and i would have known it wasn't if it were yesterday...
but i'm not longer in love with you.

time.

2009-02-24T05:32:00.001-08:00

many have definitely heard about the saying,

"time will heal all wounds... (on the surface)."

and how time will tell if the love is true, whether it was meant holding on or not.

but what will time tell, be it a year or two, if it has never really moved on?

hear my prayer, please.

2009-02-23T05:58:00.000-08:00

*gasp*

And it all happens again.

Jolt me up to the break of dawn,
only greeted by the picture I've drawn.
Never forget that the world revolves,
as these wet eyes mocks my resolve.

Light a stick, as I walked these streets,
comes a thought my mind will never treat.
The journey I started will never stop,
till the day my heart has reached the top.

They scream, "love is a puzzle, you fix in life."
the pieces fit in - what a perfect lie.
If that is so, I'll need help tonight,
cause I've lost my purpose... and it's hard to find.

I ask not for fortune nor for fame,
for that is just the rich man's game.
I ask for one thing and that is all,
so hear my prayer, ol' mighty god.

"I know I've sinned and I know I'm wrong.
But I'm out of luck and I need some help.
I loved a girl but I left her there,
embarking on a journey much too far away.
So please,
this is all I ask,
to hold her when I'm not around,
love her when she's down and out,
and bless her when she needs the help.
I'm sorry to have asked that much,
but that's all I'll ever ask.
So al'mighty, please.
Listen... to my plea."

write me a lie and i'll live by it.

2009-02-18T05:57:00.000-08:00

liar liar,
heart on fire.
write me a lie,
and with it we'll lie.

take my hand,
and i'lll cross my heart.
lead me out of here,
with love there's nothing to fear.

mystery mystery,
make all else history.
they say, "love me and let me go"
and you said, "love me and let us go."

blue october - hate me

2009-02-16T07:33:00.000-08:00

(mv)

Hey Justin this is your mother, it is 2:33 on monday afternoon
I was just calling to see how you were doing,
you sounded really uptight last night it made me a little nervous.
I just wanted to make sure that you were really OK and wanted to see
if you were checked in on your medications.
You know I love ya, see ya, bye bye.

I have to block out thoughts of you, so I don't lose my head
They crawl in like a cockroach leaving babies in my bed
Dropping little reels of tape to remind me that I'm alone
Playing movies in my head that make a porno feel like home
There's a burning in my pride, a nervous bleeding in my brain
An ounce of peace is all I want for you, Will you never call again?
And will you never say that you love me just to put it in my face
And will you never try to reach me, it is I that wanted space

(Chorus)
Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you.

I'm sober now for 3 whole months
It's one accomplishment that you helped me with.
The one thing that always tore us apart is the one thing I won't touch again.
In my sick way I want to thank you for holding my head up late at night
While I was busy waging wars on myself, you were trying to stop the fight
You never doubted my warped opinions on things like suicidal hate.
You made me compliment myself when it was way too hard to take
So I'll drive so fucking far away that I'll never cross your mind
And do whatever it takes in your heart to leave me behind

(Chorus)
Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you.
Hate me in ways, yeah ways hard to swallow.
Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you.

And with a sad heart I say bye to you and wave
Kicking shadows on the street for every mistake that I have made
And like a baby boy I never was a man
Until I saw your blue eyes cry and I held your face in my hand
And then I fell down yelling "Make it go away!"
Just make her smile come back and shine just like it used to be
And then she whispered "How can you do this to me?"

(Chorus)
Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you.
Hate me in ways, yeah ways hard to swallow.
Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you.

driftwood.

2009-02-11T07:52:00.000-08:00

why is it that you still sway me so, you are like the sea and me, a driftwood.

i'm already perspiring from the irony; though drifting with the waves of uncertainty, i know i'll never be where you'd be.

life can change.

2009-01-25T06:04:00.000-08:00

Change is the only constant in the world.

It's not hard to understand, we've all been the victims of change. But when the going gets tough, where will you be?

The world can change your life. How you live, how you view things... that's pretty much how people grow stronger, or grow fears. There are so many things that can change one's life...

but there is ONE thing that nothing can change.

You.
The strength to be you can be crushed,
but your values, your character and every bit that makes you who you are...
cannot be destroyed.

You just need to find the strength. The strength to be yourself, the strength to carry on.

From everywhere. Your friends, your family, your loved ones, the TV, the people who are much more disadvantaged.

And I wish you all the strength, to carry on. =)

because you will never know.

2009-01-25T03:23:00.000-08:00

Hey prick,

I haven't told you this, so I guess I'll say it here right here right now so you'll get it into your thick dull head.

I HATE YOU.

It's been a while. A long while since I've last felt hatred for anyone. Maybe not that long, like... 9 months back. And I've thought about it. I hate you so much, I'm going to let you feel the pain I've gone through for the past while.

I'm going to make your life so miserable, you wished you never knew me. Life is so going to be interesting. For me at least. Because I hate you so.

Or at least, I am supposed to feel so.

-Zenith

Freedom Writers

2009-01-11T17:19:00.000-08:00

The summer was the worst summer in my short 14 years of life.

It all started with a phone call. My mother was crying and begging, asking for more time as if she was gasping for her last breath of air. She held me as tight as she could and cried. Her tears hit my shirt like bullets and told me we're being thrown out. She kept apologizing to me that I've no home. I should have asked for something less expensive for Christmas.

On that morning, a hard knock on the door woke me up. The sheriff was there to do his job. I looked up at the sky waiting for something to happen. My mother has no family to lean on, no money coming in. Why bother coming to school and getting good grades if I'm homeless?

The bus stops in front of the school, I feel like throwing up. I'm wearing clothes from last year, some old shoes and no new haircut. I kept thinking I should have left then, instead I'm greeted by a couple of friends from my English class last year. And it hits me, Mrs. Gruwell, my crazy English teacher from last year, is the only person who makes me think of hope.

Talking with friends about last year's English and our trips I began to feel better. I received my schedule and the first teacher is Mrs. Gruwell, room 203. I walked into the room and feel all the problems in life are not so important anymore.

I am home.

broken strings.

2009-01-10T18:23:00.001-08:00

You can't play on broken strings
You can't feel anything that your heart don't want to feel
I can't tell you something that ain't real

Oh
The truth hurts and a lie's worse
How can I give anymore when I love you a little less than before

where'd you be?

2009-01-03T00:57:00.001-08:00

cause on the way down,
when it all breaks,
when the world shakes,
when everything just isn't how it was meant to be...
where'd you be?

when we're on the way down,
the floor doesn't seem anywhere near now,
if we crash and hit the ground,
we're not going to make it back home
will you still be there?

when the rain falls,
and the time stops,
as your fist crashed once more,
will all your soul, heart and love,
will you make it through?

cause i hope, you do.

let's live.

2008-12-27T23:34:00.000-08:00

some live this life,
with worries and woes.
passing everyday,
wondering why they're here.

but can someone help me understand,
the difference between living and being like them?
because that's the price that they pay,
slowly dying with each passing day.

i can't stand it anymore.
the life of a living,
indifferent from the dead.
please, take me away.

far away to a place,
where we'll stand on the cliffs.
where we'll do things because we want to,
and not we need to.

ultimately, life is a bitch,
cause' it'll take you away someday.
I know I'll fall into the darkness one day,
so let me live when I can.

if it goes well,
let my funeral be a party.
just save the money on everything else,
let's just book a club and drink away.

all i ask of you,
is to catch me if i fall.
because i know if you fall trying to live your dreams,
i will.

because sometimes you fall so hard, you never get up again.

2008-12-19T06:51:00.000-08:00

they say,
the harder you fall, the higher you bounce.
how's that true when you know it firsthand?
how many times have you crashed so hard that you wished you died?

boxers who get slammed straight right into the ring, where'd they bounce?
right back in the loser's locker room.
people who fall off the top of the corporate ladder, where'd they bounce?
right in the grounds of those they used to step on.

but think about this.

how many great boxers have stood up to a crushing K.O.?
how many great men have rose back to their ranks after suffering a total defeat?
how many times have you said you won't make it... but you did?

Dear all, you are powerful.
You can do it.
It's all up to you.

Linkin Park - Leave out all the rest.

2008-12-18T00:47:00.000-08:00

I dreamed I was missing
You were so scared
But no one would listen
Cause no one else cared
After my dreaming
I woke with this fear
What am I leaving
When I'm done here
So if you're asking me I want you to know

When my time comes
Forget the wrong that i've done
Help me leave behind some
Reasons to be missed
Don't resent me
And when you're feeling empty
Keep me in your memory
Leave out all the rest
Leave out all the rest

Don't be afraid
I've taken my beating
I've shared what i made
I'm strong on the surface
Not all the way through
I've never been perfect
But neither have you
So if you're asking me I want you to know

When my time comes
Forget the wrong that i've done
Help me leave behind some
Reasons to be missed
Don't resent me
And when you're feeling empty
Keep me in your memory
Leave out all the rest
Leave out all the rest

Forgetting / all the hurt inside you learned to hide so well
Pretending / someone else can come and save me from myself
I can't be who you are

When my time comes
Forget the wrong that I've done
Help me leave behind some
Reasons to be missed
Don't resent me
And when you're feeling empty
Keep me in your memory
Leave out all the rest
Leave out all the rest

Forgetting / all the hurt inside you learned to hide so well
Pretending / someone else can come and save me from myself
I can't be who you are

I can't be who you are

rest in peace.

2008-12-16T03:59:00.000-08:00

a guy that lived in the memories,
someone that i never thought i'll meet up for dinner.
a guy who crossed paths with me,
someone that i never knew i'll lose so fast.

i read a blog today
and find out a piece of breaking news.
i flipped the book of memories,
to find him the guy who left pages within.

his first bike,
the maiden ride,
on the way home from the garage,
when it happened.

see my friends,
life can be so unpredictable,
so i urge you to stop wasting away,
to cherish your friends and loved ones.

Rest in Peace, my friend.

the world is full of light.

2008-12-14T07:25:00.000-08:00

Don't you remember?
The breaths of silence,
speaking of the days of obliteration.

When the days and nights felt indifferent,
like the way how angels and the reaper seemed.
If there's no difference, what's the point?

But they said,
the world is full of light.
It's just that we never knew the means to feel it.
cause you were down, and you just had to stand
and grab those golden rays with your own hands.

How sad.
When you think of the fallen flowers.
When you think of the colors that have lost their luster.
When you think of the love we shared, lost forever.

But you see,
When the flowers fall, they blossom again.
When the colors fade, the only way is back into the shades of vibrancy.
And if some love are not meant to be, they just ain't meant to be.

And remember,
the world is full of light.
Let's save the fallen flowers,
the faded colors,
the love again never(s),
because this world is full of light.

christmas is here again.

2008-12-11T03:50:00.000-08:00

that's fast.

oh wells. =)

(because to me, you're perfect.)

the fine line of good and evil

2008-12-02T05:19:00.000-08:00

when you do all the good things and bad things in the world...

does it make you a hero or villain?

fear.

2008-11-23T06:26:00.000-08:00

everybody's running from something
but they don't know when it's coming
so they keep running and running.

the smile.

2008-11-21T23:49:00.000-08:00

do you remember when?
how long has it been?
nineteen forty five,
you opened my blue eyes,
to see a whole new life,
do you remember when?

"i don't need you by my side"
you told me this that night,
it was when it all began,
i'll never fall for you again.
i made a promise when,
you told me this that night.

i'll be fine.

do you remember when?
how long has it been?
since the day has past,
i've fell for you again,
it was when it all began,
do you remember when?

oblivion never shows,
like the drunkard never goes.
and every time you cry,
death creeps in more inside.
i broke my promise when,
i said "i'll just be fine".

but i'll be fine.

do you remember when?
how long has it been?
a year has past so fast,
we've met here once again.
all the times we shared,
will you remember then?

it wasn't "hi"s and "bye"s,
it was heartfelt in my eyes.
the love that we once shared,
i looked for it again.
the greatest love is when,
you leave it all behind...

... ain't it right?

cause when i die,
then i die, loving you.
it's alright, i'll be fine.
cause when i die,
then i die, loving you.
Lovin' you...

lovin' you.

if tears meant a fuck.

2008-11-20T08:29:00.000-08:00

that was when,
we used to lay our bodies,
and bear our souls,
talking till the sun don't shine.

that was when,
luxurious late night snacks,
wee hour breakfasts,
were the decent meals we had.

that was when,
people would poison minds,
just to make them shine,
but we'll ask them to grow up.

that was when,
the whole world could crash into us,
just to teach us that we're human,
but nothing really mattered to us.

that was when,
if you ever asked,
i'll show you my love,
any day, any time, any where.

that was when,
i took my last breath.
a fall that seemed like forever,
bon voyage.

the phone never rings when you worry about things.

2008-11-16T00:45:00.000-08:00

how amusing, you can add a happy smiley face or a sad one after the title.

haha.

with a happy smiley, it provides strength and hope to not brood about things,
while a sad smiley amplifies the depression within.

if tears could change things.

2008-11-11T07:34:00.000-08:00

because the sight of it blinds,
the sound deafens,
the thought burns.

because there's nothing you can do,
there's nothing you can change,
while it simply eats you away.

because it's hard to hold your stand,
when you don't know where's your land,
your heart and your men.

because it's harder when your lover's gone,
there's no one left to blame,
and no one to share the shame.

because you've jumped into the river,
too many times to make it home,
when you needed time all alone.

because there's too much to forget,
there's so much of you,
that i can never detach.

because we ain't got concrete hearts;
when a heart breaks,
it doesn't break even.

in this cold november rain,
maybe you need some time,
maybe you just need some time... all alone.

can you take the truth,
and stare it in the eye.
because i think, i still can't.

the birthday!

2008-11-09T03:53:00.000-08:00

well, so this little boy ended up doing almost all the taboos (okay, maybe not that serious) of birthdays...

- deciding where to eat for his birthday (and had macs for his birthday)
- chose his own cake (the last cake he probably would have chosen for anyone els)
- not getting drunk at a club (but getting assaulted by his friend)
- accidentally walking into the surprise of the birthday (which is still being prepared)
- cutting his own birthday cake (and distributing it)

hmmm. don't you think it's too much of a coincidence of it happening? =D

hahahahahah.

happy 30th birthday anywayys. hugs.

auld lang syne.

2008-11-07T04:01:00.001-08:00

And you were meant to know,
just how much I loved you so.
With the time that passed us by,
where were the good times?

Cause every thing you do,
and every move you make,
still takes my breath away,
till this very day.

But it's time to say goodbye,
and we'll put this all behind.
Cause' there's nothing left to say,
nothing... left to say.

chicken or egg?

2008-11-03T07:57:00.003-08:00

should it be the issue of the chicken or the egg...

or should we solve the problem of "how do we cook this egg?"

cause' there's no destiny if everyone's your enemy

2008-11-01T04:01:00.001-07:00

bleh. suckkkkks! =@

screw youuuu.

when the cold wind blows.

2008-10-19T01:50:00.000-07:00

The news is out,
the story laid down.
Just where do we stand,
when the cold wind blows?

Lying naked on the floor,
equipped with truth at the door.
Just how do we stand,
when the cold wind blows?

And this is how,
the story ends.
Is this how we bend,
when the cold wind blows?

Stand up,
be strong.
When the cold wind blows,
just let the cold wind blow.

not all man are equal.

2008-09-05T07:37:00.000-07:00

some men were made smarter,
others stronger,
some men make it big with the ladies,
while others are just driven crazy.

with power and fame,
what is in your name?
when you're up against the wall,
will you be ruthless or fall?

one day you shall stand before all,
judged by weary eyes - one and all.
will you be loved, will you not,
is up to you... not.

Dracula's lament

2008-09-02T09:13:00.000-07:00

It's getting kind of hard to believe things are going to better.
I've been drowning too long to believe that the tide's going to turn.
I've been living too hard to believe things are going to get easier now.
I'm still trying to shake off the pain from the lessons I've learned.
And if I see Van Helsing I swear to the lord I will slay him. AH-HAH-HAH-HAH!
He'd take it from me, but I swear I won't let it be so. AH-HAH-HAH-HAH!
Blood will run down his face when he is decapited. AH!
His head on my mantle is how I will let this one know: how much I love you.

Die.

Die.

Die.

I can't.

(the video)

rational irrationality

2008-08-10T01:26:00.000-07:00

Some things in life just can't be explained rationally.

It's not an excuse to not think of it.

It's just that even if you could explain it rationally, such matters are not meant for rationalizing in the first place.

Of course, some say it can't be too absurd... but then again, what's absurd? It's a crazy world that we live in. let's just try to live the way that we want to. Because there's nothing too crazy or normal in this madness called life.

Irrationality that makes sense; logic that's illogical...

Heck. Because this is my rational irrationality.

ambivalence

2008-07-27T19:03:00.001-07:00

Like the cutting strings of a kite,
let go and feel no pain.
For if the god of winds demand the release,
maybe everything is just meant to be.

Like an off-tempo vocalist,
maybe he'll make it big if given a chance.
But who'd ever know,
when chances are such remote notions.

Like a bittersweet symphony,
loving and leaving are all but different.
To love is to wish for the person to be happy,
to leave is to fulfill that wish.

In the state of ambivalence, logic can be just as illogical.

the two hands.

2008-07-23T10:49:00.000-07:00

Staggering on the pavement, he bid his consciousness goodbye. "To the promised land," or so he wished.

"Am i going to die?" he thought, as the darkness inched nearer. No flashbacks, no familiar souls, no immortals - the media must have been lying about things that happen before death. With hope being such a remote notion, he knew the end was near. He closed his eyes and prayed, knowing its all to naught.

Like an answered prayer, a bright light shone from the skies. As his vision clears, he finds himself in a mansion. It's almost... breath-taking.

Black-and-white checkered tiles, white walls and truckloads of easels with photos. "These photos are familiar," he thought. As he shivered down the hallway, he was greeted by snapshots of the special moments of his life - the ones he hold close to his heart. For he knows, these moments means everything to him and he hoped for the best of them.

Ironical as can be, those moments sent a humanly chill crawling down his spine - almost as though... it was intentional. As he looked at the photos staring back, he knew it wasn't the same. The determined look in their eyes, the flame in their hearts, the never-dying attitude, the memories that it triggered... it's so different now.

As he looked down at those two hands, he wondered.

"With these two hands, you have formed bonds. With those bonds, you have formed a family. With that family, you have invited others to be part of the family. With the extended family, you have braved countless battles with the unknown. With the unknown, you have seen miracles again and again.

It's impossible without the family. Without the bonds. Without everyone's hands."

Which he wonders...

Just what the fuck, has these two hands exactly done?

random blurts of evil humor

2008-07-16T07:36:00.000-07:00

*yo hommie's so ugly....*

a: hey hey! i saw your ex-girlfriend just now.
b: oh yeah. I heard she's attached.
a: yeah man, I saw her boyfriend. He must have a GREAT personality.
b: Oh, you spoke to him?
a: Not really. Otherwise, he's filthy rich.

*yo face's so ugly....*

(two old friends who fell out meet each other one day, and stares at each other)

a: err... Sorry for staring. I had a friend who looks like you... just that she's still alive. Sorry. *walks away*

thank you.

2008-06-22T20:51:00.001-07:00

i dont know how this all can ever happen on such a weird note...

but i feel like i've found everything back, things that i never thought i'd ever be able to get back.

thank you(s).

rights and wrongs.

2008-06-12T22:49:00.001-07:00

if you've realized, there ain't no rights or wrongs in this world. there isn't anything that gives you a hell of a punishment like getting struck by lightning or get sucked into a black hole.

but this world is still governed by the law set by mankind. criminals (if caught), meet their punishment. but what's really right, or wrong? it is merely an understanding of most (note: MOST) of mankind.

the exciting part is, even when you're punished, you can't change the fact that you have sinned. (don't worry, this ain't a preaching session.)

once you've done something wrong, you can't just correct that mistake and act as though nothing has happened. life doesn't work in that way,

*snap* Mistake
*snap* Solution
*snap* Curtains closes

You can't stop life, to correct something and expect that's the end of it. Which is the exciting, yet irritating part of life.

No matter what you do, no matter what has happened... you just have to move on.

Move on.

help.

2008-06-08T11:04:00.000-07:00

Walking down this one-way street,
in the city walls that silence creep,
a city of angels that once shone,
is pretty much said - and done.

Clarity, removed.
Subject, aloof.
Justice, delude.
Sanity, denied.

How can one thing stop his breathing,
How can one thing take his heartbeats,
How can one thing change his orbits,
How can one thing kill him - so quickly.

Find him a voice,
for no words seemed to be said.

Find him a sun,
for his world revolved around you.

Find him a soul,
to fill this empty shell.

Find him something, anything.

---

everything's gonna be fine, bro.
take care, good night. (:

fade to another grey

2008-05-29T08:32:00.001-07:00

day by day,
year by year,
time dried these endless tears.

watch this soul,
old and cold,
mindlessly paying its' toll.

swords clash,
nights dash,
as they danced to the moonlight jazz.

let this all fade,
to another grey,
to another day -
cause' it will not stay.

let go and go,
for time will show.
let it glow or slow,
for time... will show.

how did things go out this way?

2008-05-29T01:03:00.000-07:00

so yeah, how did it?

finger-pointing,
blame-laying,
tale-telling,
time-stopping,
ant-crawling,
life-changing...

heartbreaking.

well, idk.

2008-05-27T19:28:00.000-07:00

how many special people change
how many times have you lived it strange
who was there while you were getting high?

someday you will be there,
wonderin' all this time.
have you lived this life or a lie?

---

a little post for a good morning, going for grad 08' in a while's time.

Ladies and Gentlemen, i dedicate this post to all of you, graduating or not - to remind yourselves to live this life... a meaningful one.

=)

hugs to all who has always been there, and a finger for those who weren't. HEH. kidding lah. =D

?

2008-05-08T21:14:00.000-07:00

sometimes, you just can't find a word to describe how you feel.

how deep is rock-bottom exactly?

how high is cloud nine?

when its so... much more than that.

freedom of speech.

2008-05-06T08:52:00.000-07:00

seriously, i typed a whole blog post about what i feel about freedom of speech.

it being a responsibility and not a right.

people who say things have to understand that every word has a chance of changing someone's thought, someone's way of life, etc.

it is not a right, to say inaccurate things, or stuff that are utterly unfair.

but yeah, i deleted every single word away.

because i just wanted to say this since the start, and let me get to the point.

"Bloody hell. You get me so shit-ass pissed. Assholes."

Wow, I didn't know a post without swearing was possible even.

haha, I'll elaborate more next time.

For now, !@(*#&.

I shall let it brew, hopefully a dash of hope and love can salvage this pot of hate and destruction.

EDIT: But please, for people who are paranoid that i'm talking about them, please do not worry that i'm not talking about you. if you need assurance, you can msn me and ask and scream at me if u're angry.

but yes, the people its targeted for... won't probably read this. So yeah. =(

war against tobacco

2008-03-27T04:47:00.000-07:00

There was a campaign that was created once in the war against the war of tabacco.

It was called, "Truth."

It created a lot of buzz and a video that ended with the words,

"Years from now, when our grandchildren look at us and say, 'In the war against tobacco, what did you do?'

we want to look them in the eye and say, 'I was in advertising.'"

after so long.

2008-03-14T23:09:00.001-07:00

after so long,
i found something that i thought was somewhere else...
just right in front of me everyday.

after so long,
i found something that i never thought i lost...
when it was gone all along.

after so long,
i finally found the answer...
that's been lost so long.

paper hearts and concrete slabs

2008-03-05T22:14:00.000-08:00

hearts ain't made of concrete...

you can't just decide to smash it and expect it to be molded back perfectly.

haha.

2008-02-08T00:34:00.000-08:00

now now, see how it flies.
like that baseball on a homerun,
at such a speed, does it know where its heading,
or rather... why its flying?

as it somehow returns,
it lifts the burden somehow.
how long will it stay,
or its just here, or the sake of it?

haha.

the deep dark side.

2008-02-07T11:05:00.000-08:00

there's no combination of words that i could ever say
but well, heck does it matter.
falling into that pit where that corpse stay lay,
but how deep will he fall; the last he knew was 6 feets.

---

stepping on that dirt, the blade draws near.
face it once more, he must.
he ponders, how many battles shall ensue,
as the clashs of the blades reached a crescendo.

as his face falls on that concrete,
it was then he realized.
the demon he was fighting all along,
was a mere manifestation of his shadow.

whattt.

2008-01-29T08:04:00.000-08:00

how many special people change
how many lives can you ever change
while i'd never know just what it'd take
i'd never dare to try
for i'd never know what on earth is right
or wrong
or for that matter
considered something.

Like a rhythmn without sound;
no words will be said.
Like a clock without hands;
no one could ever tell.
Like the sun without the sky;
can it ever shine?
Like the thought without a bridge;
can it be ever completed?

it's like...

a deer not moving, bleeding, eyeless and getting screwed. zzz.

Did history... really happen?

2008-01-11T07:48:00.000-08:00

"History is the version of past events that people have decided to agree upon."
- Napoleon Bonaparte

So did it really... happen that way?

a curse.

2008-01-11T07:32:00.001-08:00

as calm as the rivers,
he stopped by the waters.
obstructing the flow of time,
he pulled out a song's rhyme.

the cold wind cuts to the bone,
yet he is not shivering.
for what that truly mattered,
has taken him all over.

"i pray to the northern lights,
through these arabian nights.
someone out there,
hear my plea.

Lift this curse,
that binds all.
Kill me if you must,
for there is nothing left in this cursed shell."

Like an angel decending,
she appears.
Like the dawn breaking,
light falls on his world.

_____________________________________________________

To every broken heart out there,
we all know time can only heal the surface.
But hang in there,
light will shine through.

One day.
Someday.
Which day?
But definitely... one day.

can you hear that heartbeat?!

2007-12-26T01:35:00.000-08:00

"Hush," he said.

"Listen. Listen carefully to what's happening around you," as he cups his hand around his ear.

"Can you hear that heartbeat? It doesn't go "lup dup lup dup". Can you hear it? EBEN! EBEN!", raising his hands as though to call forth a flurry of lightning.

"These brave knights; their hearts beat as one. Their veins flow not with blood, but with energy that makes them one!"

He walked closer to the enemy and held him closer by his neck, "Deny us of what we are and you deny us of our existence. When all that we have... is nothing, what do we have to lose, my friend?"

"An Eben is a true Eben when he choses to be, not by what is bestowed upon him. When you choose to act as though you own his life... beware of the thunderstorms," as he pushes that wretched pile back into his delusional state.

难了情

2007-12-19T05:17:00.000-08:00

sew this up with threads of reason and regret,
as much as i wanna forget.
time heals all wounds...
on the surface.

the time runs out my window
when he drives you in a two by four
i know you're happy now
and that's what i said really matters anyway

time lost is not revocable,
time crying is not comfortable,
time now is not anywhere better,
and time spent is not forgotten, still

you're a miss,
i can't be your prince,
just wanted you to know,
that you're the best damn thing that my eyes have ever seen.

nothing sowed, nothing reaped.
nothing lost, nothing learned.
who wants to go through shit?
well,

it depends who/what it's for.

just so that you'd know (not that you want to anyway i guess)

2007-12-12T09:01:00.000-08:00

when you said you'd leave
i was loss for words
and i wrote all i felt in a piece of paper
the one in your hand

no, no.
what's that i see in my closet
it's the letter that i wrote
that never got out of its shelf.

to me it meant everything
but to you prolly you dint want to know
so just wanted you to know
that its worth as much as the monogram world of a colorblind.

everyday romeos (i dont even know why)

2007-12-11T11:38:00.000-08:00

on the telephone line
i can be anyone - a supermodel, a space invader
or even
a romeo with a bleeding heart.

in reality, i dont know what i'd do
maybe i'd slip out the back before you knew i was there
at the worst you'd just not care,
cause in our hearts we know that everyone's afraid
esp. in the heart of romeo that can never be pieced back perfectly.

you know,
fuck what i did, it didn't mean jack.
cause the path treaded is so bent,
give me some breath, some breathing room
for the sake for sounding even conscious.

this ain't an emo poem for the loveless,
it ain't even comprehendable.
just a page for the hopeless and the damned,
should there be a day of love,
let's all jump and hope we don't fall to our deaths.

send someone to love me,
keep me save from harm, the rain, or getting old before my time
so my soul can heal the pain and hide this shame
so before i'm charged guilty,
give me a chance to be a better man.

this is a song about a girl who dumped me,
on my big fat ass.
they dint know about it, they said.
but these smart bastards,
they all did.

summer time, i had a crush on you that you found out
keep this a secret
because i cant take it anymore
it hurts, so much,
i dont even understand why.

happy birthday, i never did dare to,
but who cares, does it mean jack to you
but who cares, does it mean shit to us
and this is how we'll all end;
bent and broken one day.

getting over

2007-12-09T09:16:00.000-08:00

I think i finally understand how it's like to get over a person.

Will? Unnecessary.

2007-12-01T07:28:00.000-08:00

"i WILL make it!"
"i WILL pass my test!"
"i WILL win this time!"

Stop using WILL and reminding yourself that you can't. Why?

When you say "i WILL", aren't you reminding yourself that you've tried that previously and failed, or simply can't do it, that's why you need a resolve to motivate yourself?

Seriously, JUST DO IT. jfdi. =)

the printed word.

2007-11-29T15:53:00.000-08:00

I once read that the printed word is the deepest dagger that you can drive into a man's soul. The printed word allows the reader to create their own images, their own pictures, vis-a-vis the television. Well, I do agree, those are my images, and not like a television that gives me and tells me what I should be seeing.

He continued, "there will never be a viewer's digest, only a Reader's Digest. There will never be a media that dares call itself the Guardian and it can never bring out the Times in our lives."

Something along those lines.

Well, if the printed word is so powerful, maybe i'd write a letter to you and tell you how I feel and hopefully drive this dagger of love into your deepest depths eh?

But how'd you react? I think you'll just act as though it didn't happen... or maybe laugh as though it's a joke. haha. A joke indeed.

Well, maybe the printed word ain't that powerful... after all.

how many times?

2007-11-27T06:01:00.000-08:00

it took me 2 fuses to figure out the mixer.

how many nights will i need to figure this out?

how its gonna be?

2007-11-21T05:41:00.000-08:00

i fall deeper each time i look into your eyes.
to the extent, that i no longer dare to.
forgive me if i look away,
for it hurts more if i did.

i'd want to, but well. what can one do when he can't even hold his footing?

haha. RED Camp oei.

Shirts.

2007-11-18T23:21:00.000-08:00

i think t-shirt producers should get a shirt like

"i love my blow job girl"
"i love my personal ATM"
"i love my unloading hole"

instead of shirts like

"i love my boyfriend."

why bother? lol.

there ain't no stopping for a man who knows no finish line.

2007-11-16T06:49:00.000-08:00

a tiny step, a great leap.
a thought in mind, that never sleeps.
all this road, all the gravel that gets stuck in the shoe,
doesn't quite seem to matter when it comes to the end.

walk these roads with you , i shall.
as the night falls, let's build a fire,
and talk about all the stories and regrets.
and move on, and the dawn breaks.

there ain't no stopping for a man who knows no finish line.

Reasons and excuses.

2007-11-12T07:41:00.000-08:00

"She's the hottest thing alive."
"He's damn cute!"
"Only she understands me."
"He's so sweet!"

When did love need a reason?

Maybe when it needs, it's simply an excuse to continue...

randoms.

2007-11-06T08:56:00.001-08:00

Today's cruel.
Tomorrow's even more cruel.
The following day's beautiful.

But most people die on the night of the 2nd day. Stand strong to see the results of oneself!

Do we do dumb things because we are humans... or because we are humans we do dumb things?

I wonder.

Where WE stand.

2007-10-26T14:20:00.000-07:00

They once said,
"There is no guitar amplifiers without guitars.
It is not the other way around,
guitars will be very comfortable without amplifiers still."

At that moment,
I knew it in my heart that it didn't mattered.
Not like I could do anything in the first place anyway,
but it is because amplifiers aren't there because of guitars solely.

If they only realized,
it is there for it's people.
It is not there solely for it's root purpose,
for it took on another purpose that those in charge feel right.
It is never there to plainly serve,
it is there to make a change in people's lives.

We're not your fuckin' arms and legs!
We're our consciousness.
Our values.
WE.

There is nothing anyone can do to take away this consciousness.
Yes, you can force it down our throats.
But you cannot force it into our hearts.
For what was once a mud field, is now a land where lives flow.

Where WE stand.

Promises and Lies.

2007-10-17T13:47:00.000-07:00

A thousand words, a million moments.
A lot more promises, ended up lies.
A trusting her, with a dash of compromise.

What the fuck did you say?
Why did you lie?
All that I gave; or is it just in my mind?

If my feelings don't mean jack,
what about yours?
Do you feel betrayed by yourself?

Haha.
Maybe it just all seemed to happen.
Seemed to.

-Confessions of an angsty kid.

the enemy's lines

2007-10-10T13:01:00.000-07:00

watch your step,
you dont wanna get slapped.
watch your toes,
you dont wanna get stepped.

it's the enemy!
"incoming!", he screamed as he ran.
he ran to the ends of the world,
to the depths of the sea.

what happens when what one thinks is his ally,
turns out to be the one eating him away.
he shivers at the sight of that grey shade on the floor,
as his life eats itself away.

for you out there.

2007-09-30T20:00:00.001-07:00

This ain't something for the faint-hearted,
but for everyone who has lost something out there.
The art of losing isn't quite a simple affair,
and it's plain part and parcel of life.

For those who thought life was so over,
think again and wonder if it'd be different if you'd just see the light one day.
For those who stood their ground,
it's about time that you stood out, ain't it?

Do everything knowing that it'd make a difference in the world.
A small stone that you lift today might just save someone's life.
But sometimes, don't just do it, knowing it means a lot to the person.
Be responsible.

For those who still doesn't believe that the addition of two 1s equate to 2,
sometimes, you'd just need to open your heart and accept it.
When everything points clearly to a certain direction,
maybe it's reason to accept the fact.

How long is long?
I don't know.
Even another day feels like an eternity.
Somehow.

Peumothorax

2007-09-18T07:52:00.000-07:00

Peumothorax. A condition where the lungs detaches from the lung wall, creating an air space, or so I remember from the doctors. Well, went for my check up on monday, and Prof. Christie Tan told me that I'm 100% great! =) haha.

But, i dont remember if i got that name right. haha.

But i do remember that hunger i had when i had to fast for half a day, and that i had that crazy craving for fruit tarts from Polar. (Muslim friends, you have my respect.)

I remember the anesthesias. That made me sooo tired after the operation, when i woke up the next morning i asked for biscuits before lunch and i actually fell asleep while chewing it.

I remember the morphine. and that doctor that told me to use it like how i'd play World of Warcraft (I don't play that game and i totally dont get his point then, but he told me to keep pressing it esp. when i want to move) which cause the inflammation in the urinary tract which the doc had to do something to it. let's not talk about the details. haha. i dont WANT to remember that. lol.

I remember the visitors. The great people who came and rescued me from the boredom and pain. Bought me fruits and flowers and teddy bears and balloons! hahaha. well, it was quite cool. hahah. Thanks people, like Marvin, Jennifer, Wilfred, yc, Shawn, Melvin, Frances, Cat, Clar, Uncle Meng, Bernard, Ethan, Willis, Shaun, Vanessa, Maggie, Joanna, Teng Yi, Mr. Jonas Lee, Ms. Koh Poh Tee.... and some more which I could have forgotten. Sorry lah. er. blame it on the anesthesia! =( kae? =) hehe.

I remember the doctors. Who came in now and then to ask if it hurts. Of course it hurts, but well. They're nice. haha. though i dont remember them.

I remember the process of pulling the tube out. My god. TWICE some more! =( cause after pulling it out it collapsed again and they had to put it back. OUCH. And of course, the feeling of "I can go home tml!" and having it thrashed.

I remember the portable x-ray. Quite cool. But the people seemed to be very busy and in a rush, they didn't care about my tube or my wound. They just forced me up the bed. OUCH.

I remember the nurses. HAHA. they're the greatest! always helpful, cheerful and nice! They even helped me wash my hair when I was on the bed. haha. And all the times that i asked them for smth, they'll get it for me and all, very nice people. And the one I remember most is that chatterbox. I never knew her name, and saw her only after a few days, but every time when I see her we'll have something funny to talk about and she'll always ka chiao me big time. hahaha. But well, that's what makes the stay less painful I guess. heh. And all the nurses that helped me! =)

I remember the TV. my god. it was probably one of the times when I actually watched so much TV! Cause there wasn't anything that I could do anyway. Other than slp. Kids Central rocks. haha.

I remember the food. Very bland. haha.

I remember that machine that was sucking the air out of me. Through that tube. haha. and it was always making noise. But got used to it and when they removed it, it felt... quiet. haha. But i'm okay that anw.

I remember my family members coming everyday to visit me and buying food for me cause they knew that the food was not too nice. though i finished both portions completely anyway. lol.

I remember the girl who came almost everyday when i was in the hospital and got me stuff that i wanted to eat and made cards and a box for me. so sweet right. haha. =)
I remember her popping in with soup in her hands (which i loveddd. haha)
I remember falling asleep with her beside me and waking up to see her still around.
I remember the feeling of forgetting the pain when she came.
I remember how i felt then. =)
but well, things are a little different nowadays and i know things have happened and changed, but i'd still like to have her as a friend and talk to her. but i dont really know if she feels the same way or if she reads this space anymore... but if she feels the same way too, i hope she'd drop me a message or smth. haha. =) because i dont really dare to.

This is what I remember.

articulation meets hesitation

2007-09-14T11:27:00.000-07:00

to tell a story, to spin a tale,
about a dragon who've became pale.
no words seemed apt, just some more ale',
for the story that's only a fairytale.

a thousand words, could never tell,
the chronicles that once dwelled.
just one feeling, is not enough,
to sum this up in a draft.

why tell when it'll never heal,
for some hope in this ville.
but what was left, all alone,
is something, that will never know.

melancholia

2007-08-19T10:04:00.000-07:00

what is this melancholy?
in the land of the prosperous,
where the nobles were meant to live merrily,
there is none but one who tries to be.

living within those who live a hectic lifestyle of enjoying happiness,
one leads the lifestyle of chasing it.
hoping to live in the happily ever after,
but always shrouded with "i'm sure it'll be later."

a day, a month, a year.
milestone after another,
the one holds dear,
while thinking... what really matters?

is that who i see?
one who lives with another;
or one who lives for another?
cause i fear to find nothing more than the mere shadow of the yesteryears.

or maybe, it's just a projection of what was held dear.

Ironic thoughts of a random mind.

2007-08-18T23:23:00.000-07:00

I cut to remind myself not to think of you, yet the very pain reminded me.

The moment of silence that sounded like death.

Pull out that fiery angst from deep within, and cast it into the ball of flames.

The sight of her burns so deeply in the eyes, yet never to be seen again.

Days past while watching the ticks of a clock, noticing every passing second yet holding on to none.

tales; eternally retold

2007-08-18T09:40:00.000-07:00

the tales of the infusion of swords and souls,
the tales of the battles between heroes and crooks,
the tales of the love between seagulls and fishes,

eternally retold.

sometimes you wonder, what's wrong? you've heard the story, and you know the ending. What's the point of the story once more? but well, you still watch it, don't you?

you knew the swords will communicate and fuse with the souls.
you knew the heroes will win.
you knew the love wasn't possible.

so what are you hoping for?

what's the point in life if Risk was just a board game? we roll the dice only hoping that the rules change.

so what are you hoping for? do you want to wish for a change?

cause' i don't. but sometimes, it's not just about what you want.

it's about how you feel.

i was doing fine, till you teared.

2007-08-17T08:19:00.000-07:00

walking home, it was the best route that he can get.
a place where nothing seemed wrong or anything,
even if there was, bah, just shrug it off.

was just doing fine, great rather, walking the road that he chose,
till that moment when he heard that sob and saw that drop,
and did i tell you how he took the wrong bus that happened to go to your place?

haha. how dumb can he get; can any meter measure? probably just about 6 feet under.

i can tell you the wildest of tales,
but what's the point when its best when i say nothing at all
what hurts the most, ain't being so close,
its that i have to block out thoughts of you so i dont lose my head
and i hope i can be walking away
sometimes it just feels like you're irreplaceable
chu ci zi wai,
it just reminds me of dui ni di yi chi chang qing ge,
and if you're gone,
maybe i can make you banana pancakes and pretend that it's the weekend instead of leaving,
cause i'd love it if you call,
and it'll be really good to hear your voice saying my name,
it makes me weak,
but it's anytime better than being out of my head.

Yellowcard - Dear Bobbie

2007-08-12T00:47:00.001-07:00

Dear Bobbie,
Do you remember when you were young and very pretty? I do.
I remember pleated skirts, black and white saddle shoes.
Do you remember dancing that night?
I do, I still think of you when we dance,
Although we cant jitterbug as we did then.

Do you remember when,
How long has it been?
1945 you opened my blue eyes,
To see a whole new life.

Do you remember when,
I told you this that night,
That if you're by my side,
When everyday begins,
I'll fall for you again.
I made a promise when,
I told you this that night.

I'll be fine.
When I die, then I die loving you.
It's alright, I'll be fine.
When I die then I die loving you,
Loving you, loving you.

Do you remember the times we would give up on each other and get back together.
Then we finally was married in 1949.
We drove the yellow convertible all night long.
Do you remember? I do.

Life has led us here,
Together all these years.
This house that we have made,
Holds twenty-thousand days.
And memories we've saved,
Since life has lead us here.

And I'll be fine.
’Cause when I die, then I die loving you.
It's alright, I'll be fine.
Cause when I die then I die loving you,
Loving you, loving you.

I'm coming home to you,
Stepping off my shoes.
Resting in my chair.
See you standing there,
The silver in your hair.

I'm coming home to you,
When I lay tonight, when I close my eyes,
I know the sun will rise,
Here or the next life.
As long as you're still mine, then it’s alright.

I'll be fine
Cause when I die, then I die loving you
It's alright, I'll be fine
Cause when I die then I die loving you
Loving you, loving you

You have grey hair now,
But you're a beautiful woman,
And the years have been good to both of us.
We walk slow now, but we still have each other.
The glue of love is still bonding us together.
That is what I remember. Do you remember?
________________________________________________

it's songs like this that make you wonder why you're not in a relationship. haha.

ain't it sweeeeeet. =)

though i nearly skipped this song straight because of the scary voice at the start. HEH.

you never know why you do things sometimes. sometimes, when you just wanna skip a song, something holds you back and you might just fall in love with the song. and you wonder what's the something.

subconscious?
intuition?
6th sense?
gut feel?

i dont know. i just know it's goood. haha. =)

Liberty X - Holding on for you

2007-08-11T03:32:00.001-07:00

trust is all it takes
people make mistakes

sunshine fades to grey
the second i'm away
minutes turn to hours without you

Time keeps marching on
The summers been and gone
and i'm still here alone still waiting

I'm on my own a million miles away
temptation all round
it won't be long so please be strong
cause i'm holding on for you

trust is all it takes
people make mistakes
cause we are only human - lets face it

And I struggle through the day
pretend that i'm ok
And make believe that you're here beside me

yes i'm on my own a million miles away
temptation all around
it won't be long so please be strong
cause i'm holding on for you

you are the one that i can truly believe in
so don't ever think that i would ever diss you baby
without a doubt you are my rhyme and my reason
and i won't let you down

cause i'm on my own a million miles away
temptation all round
it wont be long so please be strong
i'm holding on for you

i'm on my own feelin blue
miles from home
i'm lost without you
but i'll be strong keep holding on
holding on for you

outro
_____________________________________________________________

how sweeeet. =)

trust is all it takes, people make mistakes.
cause we're only human - lets face it.

Dashboard Confessional - Again I go unnoticed

2007-08-11T03:31:00.001-07:00

So quiet.
Another wasted night.
The television steals the conversation.
Exhale.
Another wasted breath;
Again it goes unnoticed.

Please tell me you're just feeling tired,
'Cause if it's more than that I fear that I might break.
Out of touch. Out of time.
Please send me anything but signals that are mixed,
'Cause I can't read your rolling eyes.
Out of touch. Are we out of time?

Close lipped;
Another goodnight kiss,
Is robbed of all its passion.
Your grip;
Another time is slack,
It leaves me feeling empty.

Please tell me you're just feeling tired,
'Cause if it's more than that I feel that I might break.
Out of touch. Out of time.
Please send me anything but signals that are mixed,
'Cause I can't read your rolling eyes.
Out of touch. Are we out of time?

I'll wait until tomorrow,
Maybe you'll feel better then...
Maybe we'll be better then.
So what's another day,
When I can't bear these nights of thoughts of going on without you?
This mood of yours is temporary.
It seems worth the wait to see you smile again.
Out of the corner of my eye,
Won't be the only way you're looking at me then.

So quiet.
Another wasted night.
The television steals the conversation.
Exhale.
Another wasted breath;
Again it goes unnoticed.
____________________________________________________________________________________

a very nice song.

very...nice.

paradoxical; all over again.

2007-08-09T12:11:00.001-07:00

"men live to die."

ain't it sooooo paradoxical?

"we search/wait/yearn/hope for things that are not there."

omg. it's just like so stupid if you think about it. but of course, the person searching/waiting/yearning/hoping never feels so. or at least, doesn't want to.

"wanting something/one back after so long."

like omg. i totally understand. it's like such a fuckin' waste of time when life's so short, dont you think?

But hey. we're paradoxical, so does that even matter? because i'm thinking about it. even if it hurts so to.

Had this thought in my mind just now.

If you're going to live on, knowing that you'd die one day... why live?

Well, I guess maybe life's about realizing what it's about eh? so to all out there, if you're like that, thinking what's this whole life about... why don't you live it meaningfully and realize what's life REALLY about before doing anything to yourself/whatever? It's not too late to do anything then, right? =)

Jia you.

P.S. friends, i have no thought of ending life now. dont worry. haha. =)

Yellowcard - Sure Thing Falling

2007-08-09T00:54:00.000-07:00

He likes vampires and hitlist radio
But turns it off when he hears
This one song he knows
And you breathe the windows down

You're driving I4 as you make your way back home
You ride in silence because
He will not let go
And you breathe the windows down
It's a new place that you have found

[Chorus]
But I've been up late writing books
All about heroes and crooks
One of them saves you from this
The other one steals you and then
Sure things fall
And all sure things fall

Do you remember how we used to get so high?
It didn't work at first
We tried it two more times
And we could breathe the windows down

I was thinking of the temperature outside
Cool like the water
That was running from our eyes
And we could breathe the windows down
It's a new place that we have found

[Chorus]

He could take you all the way to church this time
But don't forget you
Summed it up in fifty lies

But I've been up late writing books
All about heroes and crooks
One of them saves you from this
The other one steals you

Of all of the places I've looked
And all of the pictures I took
One of them is here with me now
I'm finally finding out how
Sure things fall
All sure things fall

it sounds like this. ...

2007-08-01T11:10:00.000-07:00

have you ever heard a heart break?

it sounds a little like this...
"what he saw as an ending was in reality everything less than a start."
or
"every nightmare seemed like a dream to die for, once."

and he wonders why. haha.

goodnight starlight.

the epitome.

2007-07-30T21:59:00.000-07:00

no reason, or rhyme.
no warning, or sign.
no idea of why.
then i wonder,
but it's yet another sigh.
i wish i knew,
maybe when i knew i'll wish i don't.
but i guess, i'll never know.
but all that matters to me since the start;
is just that muscle movement on your face.

Don't assume.

2007-07-17T04:13:00.000-07:00

I was taking a bus down from NP to KAP, which is 1 stop away and saw a person alight as well. Then I was thinking, why didn't the person walk down to KAP if he boarded at NP, or why did he alight there since the buses that are at the stop are all available at the previous few bus stops.

Then I concluded,

"Don't assume why people alight at bus stops."

Sometimes, you don't need to know why people alight at that bus stop.

If you really need to know, ask. But beware.

Sometimes, you don't really want to know the reason after all.

steps.

2007-07-03T05:48:00.000-07:00

Taking a step forth, fear struck.
She stood at that corner, or so I feared.
The road darkened, dark clouds seemed to gather;
as my soul slowly faded away.

Taking a step back, out of that abyss.
"It's fine now, don't worry." a voice said.
As my thoughts gather, I start to wonder;
whoever said that... is it true?

A blinding flash pierced the dark abyss,
through the bedlam and glamors of the yesteryears.
A hand came through, and a voice went...
"Why don't you take two steps forward?"

Resolve.

2007-05-17T06:51:00.000-07:00

Somethings just can't be rushed.
Somethings just can't be explained.
Somethings just can't be changed.

While everything else... is about your resolve.

a little side of you.

2007-05-13T19:23:00.000-07:00

Flipping through those pages in my life, never thought you'd ever appear.
You appeared like a dream come true, a part of you that I wish would stay.
Moments of my life that I never knew you were there,
and moments that I never knew you'd be there for me.

So what happened? You were like an innocent girl, with the clearest smile.
You seemed to hide nothing, and that look on your face, was simply breathtaking.
Now, whenever you walk past, I begin to wonder,
What exactly happened? Was it me? If so, I'm sorry.

But one thing I know now, it's never gonna be the same ever again.
No matter how much I'd remember the sweet, innocent girl,
Nothing is gonna be changed.
Don't you agree?

If you'd ever ask me what's love,
I'll tell you,
"It's a moment that I am truly happy with the one I really like."

But I guess, someday we'll know,
we weren't meant to be.

Where are you?

2007-04-18T09:21:00.000-07:00

"How can you be anywhere else, when you're in my heart?" - Kingdom of Heaven

True, awfully true.

When you love someone, those who you really give all your heart and soul to, and when he/she is already part of the composition of your heart...

How can he/she be anywhere else, but straight from your heart?

What that you see, is merely a physical illustration of what is portrayed from your mind. Having doubts on that?

What will be of the person, if whatever that is projected (from your heart/brain/whatever) is negative? Would it not be someone that you wish to avoid, no matter how good-looking/rich the person is? (generally; i dont really want to incur the wrath of some minorities that still resides in the environment.)

No matter how the person really is, who the person really is, what the person really is...

Does it matter? Isn't what the heart tells you... more important? Should the physical manifestation be a mere shadow of itself, should the person change, or even, show his/her true colors...

What matters... is still what that remains in your heart, right? =)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

i love marv and yc! =)

Take charge. =)

2007-03-23T11:38:00.000-07:00

been working quite a bit recently, and playing Valkyrie Profile 2: Silmeria at night. well, pretty nice game with big twists,

Rufus - the mercernary you hired to help you kill Odin (the God) happens to be the vessel of Odin himself, should Odin need a new body one day.

Leone - the one that volunteers to help you look for the Dragon Orb (to kill Odin) is actually another valkyrie who works for Odin, and betrays you eventually when you find the Dragon Orb.

Dylan - the soul that resides in you, fighting for you all this while is actually Brahms, the Lord of the Undead. when you're supposed to be a loyal subject of the holy Gods. he's helping you because he also feels that Odin has gone too far.

Lezard - the one who helped you all this while, from escaping death to being the ultimate magic caster in your party... is actually the one who possesses the knowledge and power to consume souls and Odin. the one who desires to be God himself, and wants to be with Lenneth, another valkyrie. Talk about what man would do for lust. =\ heh.

Well, different reasons, different meanings, different perspectives...

Who is the one who really knows what good for whoever? For the World in this case. The main char, who thinks that a world without Odin's reign? Or Lezard's thought of a world with independance from the gods? Or even, Odin's reason that it was all to avoid the apocalpyse?

No one's right. Neither is anyone wrong. Nor is anyone responsible for anything. All acts for themselves.

Qutoing Brahms, Gods do not belong to worlds. Nor do worlds belong to Gods. No one should have the power to rule over others.

Take charge. =)

alex.... happy. =)

2007-02-27T00:38:00.000-08:00

I only wish that this could be
Just dump your boyfriend and go out with me
I swear I'd treat you like a queen. A queen.

if it's really what he sent you, i guess i'm not sad or anything. i only have myself to blame; thinking for others even if i know it's dumb. to think that all this time i did things with him in mind, heh, and this is what he does. oh well, sucks right?

but it's okay. i think it's really okay, because that's me. being stupid and thinking that he's being a saint to help others, making the world a happier place. heh. who's gonna think for him?

his friends. sorry friends, for always being in trouble that you guys have to pull me out. but it's okay, because he know that what he did, he has no regrets and most importantly, he knows it's him, and even if it hurts him so...

he's still happy being himself.

the alex who talks to a million and one girls and gets so jaded about love.
the alex who knows that he has his great friends always there for him.
the alex who smiles because he's simply happy every single moment.
the alex, with others who are comfortable to be with him..

the alex you all knew. :) i'm back. just give me some time to adapt.

smiles.

2007-02-16T21:01:00.000-08:00

:) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :)

thanks. :)

welcome. :)

okay. :)

sure. :)

np~ :)

hey! :)

or simply,

:)

How many of this cases have you seen? :) that people simply end off every other sentence with a smiley. :) well, i'm sure that they're really happy. heh. :D

but how many times have you done that and realised that you're just hiding behind that smiley? haha. yet another paradox. :)

have you forgotten?

2007-02-14T10:37:00.000-08:00

sometimes when we get so caught up in life, have you neglected a tiny voice in your head that tells you that "hey, maybe it's time to catch up with -insertname-."

or more so that, sometimes it just takes away one's mind and conscious.

to be so caught up with material goods, that one forgets that the opportunity cost of that, could be something that cannot be replaced or re-lived.

some moments in life you never wished you remembered.
some moments in life you never wanted it to go that way.
some moments in life you wished that you never had.

some moments, you wished you had.
for everything wise, there's Mastercard.

What's you choice? Moments you wished you had, or Mastercard to "have" it all?

I choose the moments. Impractical? So be it. It's something money can't buy. The one that you could get off the shelf, ain't what you really want at the end of the day. :)

For now, I just want to take things easy, sit back and take a good look at the world, holding her hand and looking at the stars.

things.

2007-02-13T06:48:00.000-08:00

Money, social status, material goods, loved ones.

Humans live by taking things from others, and having others taking things from them.
It's okay if the thing taken away is money, after all it's something that can be earned back; but when feelings are involved, it's never that simple.

So cherish what you have now; I will.

someone trying to be someone someone's not

2007-02-10T01:28:00.000-08:00

"you're a poseur/poser."
"you're not like him, so don't just such a fake-o idiot."
"you can never be like him; don't try."
"give it up, or die trying"

how many a time have you heard someone telling you not to be someone that you're not? well, i have. and it's not nice.

it's like you see a need in a change in yourself, and you're taking that person as a role model; while people are taking you as just a poser.

you know what?

"you're not that person you want to be. but if you believe and work towards it, you'll emerge someone new, maybe even better."

and shut their traps after that. it's not late. :)

the power of 1; the magic of 2.

2007-02-05T01:36:00.000-08:00

A speech that I found lying around in my room, with much help of my good friend in Secondary School, Dyana Wu! :)
----

1 is the root of everything and also the primordial* unit of life.
Nothing exists without 1, which makes it so magical.
It is the number of planets that is believed to contain life forms,
and the proton number of Hydrogen; the most abundant element in the galaxy.

1 being the basic counting number, is infinity.
If you take a square, and continuing adding sides to it,
it will eventually become 1 circle, with infinite sides,
rightfully so.

1 symbolises the individuality of a human's conscious self;
the idea that there is only 1 of a person; and the consciousness shall remain.
If the meaning of life is a number,
the number is 1.
----

Underestimate not the power of 1,
and believe in the magic that 2 can call forth.
Nothing exists without 1,
but nothing's meaningful without 2.

I <3 you :)

*existing at/since the beginning of a world/universe

Compromising; dead weight loss?

2007-02-03T11:50:00.000-08:00

Compromise; to make a dishonorable or shameful concession.

Does that mean every single time that you give in during an arguement or when there are varying views, you are actually losing out; by making a shameful concession?

Compromise, simply put, can be said to give in during a certain point where the heat is strong. Of course, the point-in-case here is to have a reasonable concession, it wouldn't change much if it's simply taking all the "bullets" from the other party.

Compromising comes with sacrificing one's stand, and definitely more than that.

During the course of thinking how much you have lost by compromising, have we forgotten the magic that it brings?

Compromising is the key factor of sustaining a relationship; of all sorts. Be it between friends, kins, the beloved one. Sometimes when people aren't feeling too good, or when they are simply bent on some things, or when.... ack. you know what i'm referring to.

Look at the bigger picture, is it really necessary for you to be so bent on the issue? It sucks to always be the one giving in, or rather, the suckiness comes from losing out. But have you simply chucked aside the beauty of being understanding?

Ego is not everything; but most of the time, the relationship is.

When you've realised that compromising is NOT about what you have lost, but what you have GAINED; you have already gained back what you have lost.

someone; in need.

2007-02-02T03:54:00.000-08:00

Oh, Mahli wants tell her so
and not hiding in his own shadow
to be hurt and quiet and who knows, and you think he's okay-yo.

And he tells himself to be strong
"you are stronger than you think so"
dont be weak and stray along those roads you took once before.

I remember feeling low
and I remember losing hope
and I remember all the things he said he couldn't take.

We are, we are all innocent
we are all innocent, we are, we are all.
We are, we are all innocent
we are all innocent, we are, we are all.

Oh, and Constance's grabbing on to what she knows
what she wants and what she owns
and as he thinks about her soul and all the things she said before.

And while she wants to know about him,
like what he feels and how he thinks,
cause' he stands so tall but you know, he's crum-bl-ing within.

I remember feeling low
and I remember losing hope
and I remember all the times he just sat down and cried.

We are, we are all innocent
we are all innocent, we are, we are all.
We are, we are all innocent
we are all innocent, we are, we are all.

One day, he hopes she understands
that he's not superman like what you think he is
One day, he hopes she understands
that there are times he's oh-so-weak and need you there
Remember losing hope?
Remember feeling low?
Remember who was there right there till the sun don't glow?

We are, we are all human
we all need some concern, we all, we all
We are, we are all human
we all need some concern, we all, we all
We are, we are all human (we love, to act like someone else)
we all need some concern, we all, we all (and put on one strong front, oooo)
We are, we are all human (he's not, as strong as what you think)
we all need some concern, we all, we all (and after all he's just a kid with a dream)

We are, we are all innocent.

---

My friend, you're not superman.
There are things that you can't take, and are times that you feel so weak and wished she was there; but she's not.
Don't feel so bad, it's okay to feel weak; especially at a time like that.
All the concern that you need, though she might be busy with her stuff,
you know she loves you so; and hope that she'll understand one day.
after all, she probably needs time too.

You need to understand
There's nothing strange about this
Maybe you just need a friend,
as clumsy as you've been.

Take care, my friend.

what's in a relationship?

2007-02-01T05:37:00.000-08:00

a relationship, defined by Dictionary.com is:-

"A particular type of connection existing between people related to or having dealings with each other."

any form of relationship; between friends, kins, loved ones and even your enemies.

it is a form of connection that exists between people, and also about living with the person, someone who is definitely different from you. Different from thoughts, perspectives, attitude, tolerance level and so on.

With such differences, there are bound to be friction. Friction among the two, problems that will arise eventually.

It's not about who's fault is it; it's about somebody giving in.
It's not about who should give in; it's about what magic it will bring.

It's about understanding each other. When one is not in good spirits, one is bound to act/speak/act differently, usually less sensitive and/or less irrationally. Who have not committed such a behaviour? I admit to it personally, and I dare say no one is not guilty of it. But it's not about pointing fingers, it's about understanding that things happen at times, and it's about forgiving each other at the end of the day.

We are all human; we err too.

But the crux is to forgive, then forget.

what's in a name?

2007-01-30T22:07:00.000-08:00

"Deny thy father and refuse thy name, for what's in a name?
That which we call a rose by any other name that would smell as sweet."

-Shakesphere, "Romeo & Juliet"

Love; irrational.

2007-01-29T02:30:00.000-08:00

Love makes people behave weirdly.
It makes people make irrational decisions.
It makes people do things that they usually do not.
It could even mess up your daily routines, your life, your mind; everything.

Know what's the paradox?

People still want Love.

I'm human afterall.

I love you, my darling. =) We'll pull through.

Til' the day I found you.

2007-01-27T21:38:00.000-08:00

Dearest,

It's not about the words that you say,

nor the amount of "I love you" that transpired.

It's not about the things that you buy,

it's all about what you feel.

There are times that we'll need to type our assignments,

prepare our presentations,

choose our attire for the meeting tomorrow;

we all need our personal space.

Professional time robber; I am not,

but clingy lil' boy I am within.

Too many roles,

have I forgotten how to choose?

Busy busy busy,

we all have sinned; have we not?

But time will bring us further and be more matured,

as we grow together, hand in hand.

I once thought,

Love is a powerful thing,

but neither tangible,

nor reachable, or existent.

Til' the day I found you.

Happy 1st Month, my love. =)